Sunday, June 08, 2008

HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN?????

I haven't felt like posting these last few weeks. Sometimes you just feel like you have nothing to say no matter how hard you try to rack your brain for just a few sentences. When I feel like that I will usually just post pictures. And I think I've given you plenty of those over the last few years.

I have been feeling a "little" down over the last year. And usually if there is something personal going on in my life I try to deal with it on my own. Believe me, there has been a lot of joy during that time too. And I feel so blessed to have my family and all of you, my friends, who stand behind me during those times. But last Monday when I arrived home from work, I had a message on my home phone with some very disturbing and sad news.

My late husband's brother, who we all loved dearly, had suffered a stroke and wasn't going to make it. After speaking with my niece, I got back in my car and headed for the city. I arrived and he was still holding on. The team of doctor's met with the family and explained that he had been doing well for a while.......after surgery to relieve the pressure from the bleeding out at the brain- stem. But the bleed-out had occurred again and the pressure from that just crushes the brain-stem and that there was no way that he would be able to live. The neurologist gave his spiel about what the next steps would be. My sister-in-law and all of the adult children were there and with my brother-in-laws wishes in mind, made the decision to remove him from the respirator. We waited there while they prepared him so that we could return to his room and
be by his side when he took his last breath.

I left around 9:00 p.m. so that I could return home and wait for the families call. I had been home about 30 minutes when my niece called to say that he had peacefully taken his last breath. He had managed to breath on his own for almost two hours.

This past week has been difficult for my family but especially my sister-in-law. Her children, her sister who flew in from Florida, and all of the extended family have rallied around her and maybe have lessened this burden for her just a little bit. But it will be later, when she is alone, when life goes on for everyone else, that you feel so alone to deal with the loss of your soul mate. My brother-in-law had always, ever since I had known him, just adored his wife. He was a wonderful guy, who at 75, seemed like he would be around for a lot more years . He was young at heart and always loved making everyone else's life easier. He was just so happy to do things for other people. In the last four months he had managed to get his sister, who had lost her husband 18 months ago, into an Assisted Living Facility. Getting her settled and seeing that she was safe and secure was a great accomplishment for him. He truly was a wonderful guy.

When my husband passed away he was so sad as he and his brother had shared a special closeness. No one could make my brother-in-law laugh like his brother could. He would just cry with laughter at some of my husband's silliness.......I'm serious! I have just wonderful memories of him and his wife over the last 30+ years. We did many things together as couples, but also our families got together on many Christmas Day afternoon's to share wonderful holiday memories. Whenever we were together it was always just so much fun. Not only were my husband & his brother wonderful, but the entire family too. Very special people who never judged but always wanted to help.

The funeral was Friday and it was so sad. He is buried next to my husband. And I would like to think that they are all together now.....with their older brother and their parent's who passed away many years ago.

Please keep my sister-in-law in your prayers. I have asked many times for your prayers for my family. I believe in the power of prayer and know in my heart that I would never have gotten through the many difficult times in my life if I hadn't believed and trusted in the Lord. It would mean so much to me if you will remember her and our entire family during this difficult time. Thank you all so much.

12 comments:

sarahgrace said...

Oh BJ! I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. A big internet hug to all of you, and I will certainly include you in my prayers. May the rest of this year bring loads of joy, happiness and peace to your heart.

Marsha said...

BJ. Of course I will pray your whole family who will be missing their husband, dad, uncle & brother-in-law. You have my deepest sympathy - may your happy memories bring you comfort.

I have always appreciated having you as a prayer warrior for the requests I have asked and I will be here as one for you as well.

Mary said...

Dear BJ, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's tragic and I wish your sister-in-law the best recovery.

Your reference to your husband is very sweet. I can tell you admire him until this day... Look at the love that surrounds you. I look at the grandchildren in previous posts and the smiles they wear :o)

Take care of you. I know, it's hard.

This might sound a little off-topic, BJ, but there are sroke sufferers out there who never recover. Like my Dad, who for twelve long years has lost quality of life little by little... I'm very sad for him.

Hugs
Mary

Sandy said...

So sorry to read this. I imagine along with your grief about your brother in law, it brings up memories of your own loss. Will definitely keep them in my prayers.

sandy

Wanda said...

Oh BJ thank you for sharing your loss and heart with us. I sometimes feel like this blog family are some of the closest we have. Over the past few days, several of my blogging friends have suffered losses and my heart breaks for you and them.

You will be in my daily prayers and in my heart. Love and Hugs
Wanda

Texasbelle said...

BJ, I am so sad to hear of your brother in law's passing, and so sorry for the loss to your family. You are in my thoughts.

BJ said...

Sarahgrace - thank you so much for keeping our family in your prayers. This has been such a shock to our family. I spoke to my SIL today and she said that it had been hard spending her first night alone.....but that she had been doing better today.

Marsha - thank you for being my prayer warrior now. It means so much to me and my family. I know that time is what heals the heart...you never stop loving or missing but you are accepting of your loss. It is just a process.

Mary - Your words are comforting to me and my family. It is indeed a shock to lose a family member when you think they are doing well otherwise. And I do understand that there are many stroke victim's like your dad and how it affects people differently. I can imagine the sadness that you must feel at times.

Yes....even though my husband has been gone for five years, I talk about him and hold him near and dear to my heart. I LOVE thinking of him and the happiness we shared.

Sandy - thank you for your kind words. Yes, it brings up so many memories. My husband was diagnosed in November and had surgery, went through radiation and all downhill from there and died in May. It was a roller-coaster of emotions and the hardest thing that I have ever been through. But, I am here to tell you that without my spirituality, I would never have made it through that difficult time.

Wanda - It is wonderful having all of you as prayer warriors for my family. I know that you have seen so much loss in your congregation and with friends.....thankfully we all usually manage to rally back with time. Love & hugs to you too.

Anne - Thank you for your kind words. I think that we are all still in just a state of shock.....he was here and gone in less than a day. I don't know what is harder.....to be here one day and gone the next or to watch a loved one go months and know that they are terminally ill and haven't a chance in surviving. Either way....it is hard.

Aunt "B's" Backyard said...

Hi BJ! I'm so sorry about your brother-in-law, I'm sure it brings back memories for you as well! That is, I'm sure very difficult for you too! It seems like he was an incredible man and very well loved. I will pray for you and your family as it is a painful time!

BJ said...

Brenda - Thanks for your kind words. It does bring back many memories for me...and believe me, they looked very much alike. He was a great guy and loved by his family very much. Your prayers are so much appreciated at this time.

cat's momma said...

Hi BJ...I just came here tonight and read this sad news. I definitely will keep your sister-in-law in my prayers and I just want you to know that I'm feeling very sad for your family. Your brother-in-law and your soul mate sound like they were wonderful people.

Hugs, Laura

The Crusty Crone said...

{{{ BJ }}} {{{ sis-in-law, family, friends }}}

God Bless You.

Sandy said...

Hope everyone is doing a little better. I've been thinking about you all.

s